What if I deny the truth

I have heard innumerable times that speaking the truth requires courage. But there were times when I used to wonder, how hard is it to speak the truth?

When we were kids, a few of my friends used to complain that I could once in a while, make an effort to be nice to people. I could never fathom what they meant by being nice. To me, being nice always meant, telling people what they 'needed' to hear and not what they 'wanted' to hear. As I grew older I realized , it's not very important to speak the truth always. I had to teach myself that being nice was sometimes more important than being honest and that if people wanted to hear the truth, they ask you.

It took me a few years to understand that speaking the truth is an art. Honesty, if not dealt with properly would leave you with your foot in your mouth, more often than not. That was when I adopted the policy of denying the truth. If I ever had an urge to speak the truth where it was not required, I would deny it. Not to the world outside, but to myself. So that if I believe it was true, I would speak like it was true. Sounds messed up, doesn't it? But it works like a charm, every time. I only made sure, deep down I knew what the real truth was. Too complex?? Maybe.. But it worked for me.

Very recently I came across a truth that I could not digest. I came across something, which I was consciously avoiding for many years. It took me a few weeks to wake up to the fact that, I so badly wanted it to be a lie, that I denied myself the truth. Unconsciously of course, but I was doing it. Okay, now I agree, not only does speaking the truth need guts, accepting the truth needs a lot of courage as well. Took me quite long to accept the truth.And now I have decided I will speak it out. Wish me luck peeps :D

Yes, I like spending time with myself

I am an only child and spending time with myself is quite normal to me. When I was a kid and my parents were at work I used to keep myself busy with my toys or books. When people hear that I am an only child, the one thing they usually say is 'That must be boring'. And my usual answer would be 'Not really! What makes you say that?'

Today, I live alone in a studio apartment. Yeah I have friends living around me. But I enjoy the peace and quiet living alone has got to offer. A few days ago I decided to take a trip to some place all alone. Well, just the decision made a lot of people livid. And the first question many people asked me was 'why?'

Sometimes I don't understand why people get so hyper whenever I mention that I enjoy spending time with myself. 'Me time' according to a few of my friends is a sign of depression. I, on the other hand believe being happy even when nobody is around, is one sign to show you are not depressed. It shows that you have confidence in doing whatever it is that you do, that you have confidence in you.

Four years ago, when I was in Hyderabad, there were days when I used to work late and would go down to the cafeteria to grab a bite at around 7-8 PM. The few people who were around at that time, would look at me like I was off my rocker. Seriously, what do you expect me to do? Call a friend/colleague who had already gone home to accompany me?

Being alone has it's advantages too. I have made a lot of friends in the office cafeteria or travelling alone in the office shuttle. Even today, I do end up talking to a lot of people when I travel alone. And ladies, here's a tip. I've noticed, it's easier for a guy to ask you out if you are not surrounded by an army of friends all the time. Now that's something to think about isn't it?

Try spending some time with yourself sometime. and do let me know, Am I really being weird?? ;)

A pinch of salt??

I have a friend who is quite well known for asking questions in a rather strange manner. We used to say that he 'explains' his questions. Whenever he asked something it was usually so long drawn that we would mostly occupy ourselves with something else until he finishes asking. I was thinking about him the other day and realized, well at least his questions had answers.

I have come across questions, which do have answers, but are asked in such a way, more often than not, you don't know what to say.

One of my friends recently asked me ' Why don't you laugh at my jokes??' . A straightforward answer to that would have been ' I don't find your jokes funny. And if you ever catch me laughing at your jokes, you can safely assume I'm laughing at you.' But, how can you say that to someone??? I got out of it by making myself look stupid. I said ' Your jokes are so high funda, I don't get them most of the time'. Damaging to my ego, satisfying to his. Definitely not the way to go :D

Another friend of mine once asked me while I was eating ' How come you are so fat when you eat so less??' Fortunately, I choked on my food at the same time and did not have to answer that.

The most common question I used to get was ' which school/college are you in??' One kid took it a bit too far, he asked my cousin ' aunty ee akka 7th class a??' (is she in the 7th standard?) , I stood there gaping at the kid. He looked at me a little longer and said ' 8th class a??' . I was 21 and never visited my cousin again :)

And of course there is the regular tirade of questions most of us have to put up with ' when will you get married?' , ' party kab hai (for any and every occasion)' , 'What are you doing here? (at a shopping mall / movie theater)', ' Are you busy (like I would tell you if I were not)' I get through

all this with a pinch of salt. Being sarcastic helps too, as long as you are dealing with someone who understands it.

I leave you with a quote from sheldon cooper ' Bazzinga!!'

My stranger

Sitting by the lake , enjoying the cool breeze,

I watch the sailing boats and the lovely birds,

but why do I get a feeling,

That I am being watched?

I turn around and I see no one

Though I still feel an eye on me,

From the corner of my eye,

I see a man, A stranger,

Tall, dark and handsome.

His deep voice is like music

as he walks by and says hello.

He sits by my side and talks to me,

no track of time, unaware of people around,

I am lost , as if in a trance,

He reminds me of a centaur,

wild and untamed one moment,

suave and charming the other.

Even in a crowd , he smiles at me,

Lost in the crowd, he worries me

He comes close to me and whispers in my ear

'close your eyes, and let the magic unfold'

One little blink is all it took

there was no lake, no birds, no boats,

no stranger smiling down at me.

I lay alone on my bed,

shaking my head for being a fool.

days have passed but I still wonder,

was it just a dream,

coz I still feel watched, I still see his shadow,

I still smile in a sly way, when someone questions my rosy glow.. :)

It's Time

It's been a long while since I updated my blog. Of late I've been reading about the happenings back home and it pains me to see how messed up things are...

From far away I watch you,

I grumble when you take a wrong step.

I Complain when someone wrongs you,

Coz I believe they wrong me.

I hate it when you lose a game

I am jubiliant when you win,

I cheer for you when you fight a war,

I mourn your every loss

I love the way you entertain the world

how you sing and dance and make merry

How I wish you'd draw the line there

and not regale them with how you make money

Yes, they looted you,

I know you were plundered

but that is still no excuse

to cover up every blunder

when people questioned my loyalty to you,

some even called me a deserter

I reasoned, the heart is where loyalty should be

I see no reason to wear it on my sleeve

So many times you faltered,

and I stood by watching calmly,

Hoping that things would get right

that eventually, all would be well

Now I know, it's not up to you,

but to me , to come to you,

to force you, to steer you,

to make you right all wrongs

It's time to show the world

you're not all about elephants,

rope tricks, snake charmers and liars

Or maye customer care and software

It's time to bring back that land,

where truth prevailed,

where people were valued more,

where love conquered all