An open letter to the judgmental people out there

Dear Judgmental person,

  You told me I was too old to have a baby. I freaked out for months before asking my doctor.. She laughed at me.. and said I was the right age. You predicted I wouldn't have any milk because my lactation didn't agree with your timeline. The milk came in on time.. only, my daughter wasn't ready to drink. You told me I wasn't feeding her enough, or dressing her right. You took every opportunity to tell me how she was too small. How conveniently you forget to notice that she is very healthy and quite smart.

 You tell me my baby is crying, yes thank you very much, I can hear that. That is called a tantrum. I don't like giving her a phone or a tablet to entertain her. If you like to do it, I will not judge. You tell me all moms do after dads go to work is sleep with the baby. You are a mom aren't you? How on earth did you get to sleep that much?

You tell me I was lucky to have had a c section. It's nothing when compared to what moms who gave birth naturally felt. Hmm, how about we cut you up? It's nothing right? (I am not belittling the moms who have had a natural birth. Both ways have their complications. and both ways hurt like hell. and I am especially sympathetic to those who went into labor and then had to have an emergency c-sec)

 You make other moms who've had complications feel guilty as if it was their fault. If she works, she doesn't care for her baby. If she's at home, all she does is laze around. The mom who takes care of her baby is paranoid and the one who doesn't(according to you) should not have had the baby in the first place.

Since you know so much.. Let's do one thing... next time you pass a judgement, I will send my child to live with you for a week. Since, you are so good at raising children, I'm sure you'll enjoy running after her.

Sincerely,
Every frustrated mother.


P.S : Just pissed off with the amazing inflow of advice I and some friends have been getting off late. Even I have been guilty of being judgmental occasionally. This judgmental person is not one person but many people I and my friends have encountered. Please let people raise their children however they want unless you feel what they are doing may harm their child. Nobody is as paranoid as a parent. So, if they need advice they will definitely ask. 

Things they don't tell you about pregnancy - First trimester-2

I thought I would directly skip to the second trimester, but with the response to the first part I decided to add a few symptoms that I skipped. The ‘oh so gross’  bodily functions that I said I wouldn't elaborate on.

The first thing I can think of is constipation. Yeah ,I know, but it happens. The increased amount of progesterone in your body and the added iron from the supplements you are taking will cause constipation. This could be mild or really bad. Eat food rich in fibers and drink lots of water to avoid the situation.

Heartburn is another symptom that is caused by the slowing down of your digestive system. This, like constipation is not as bad in the first trimester. A cold glass of milk can help reduce the problem and increase your calcium intake. That’s win-win.

Another fantastic side effect of pregnancy is frequent urination. Since your uterus is growing , your bladder gets smaller. Between all these issues, there will be days when you would want to move into the bathroom and stay there.

I was talking about everything hurting in my previous post. One of the scariest pains should be the round ligament pain. The round ligament is one of the many thick ligaments that surround your belly. As the uterus grows, the round ligament stretches like a rubber band around it. Remember what happens when a rubber band snaps on your skin? Pretty much the same thing happens when you make sudden movements. The round ligament snaps like a rubber band around your lower belly. Fun times!! Thankfully the pain lasts only for a few seconds. However check with your doctor if the pain becomes unbearable.

Quite a few of these symptoms can be reduced if not cured by taking supplements. It is a good thing to start taking folic acid and other prenatal supplements before you become pregnant. It is never too late to start. These supplements provide you with all the nutrients required especially during your first trimester when you might not be able to keep your food down.

Your pregnancy test is not the only test that is done in your first trimester. Quite a few blood tests are done to make sure both you and the baby are healthy. These include tests to check your blood group, any infections, and also the check for trisomy 21 also known as downs syndrome. An ultrasound is also done to check the number of foetuses. Measurements of the foetus body parts are taken during the ultrasound to check for downs syndrome.

Things they don't tell you about pregnancy - First trimester

Babies have always fascinated me but I never bothered with the intricacies of how they come into this world 😊. Indian movies had taught me well. You vomit once, then nine months later you scream once in the hospital and you have a beautiful baby. Or so I thought when I was naive. Turns out there is a whole lot more to pregnancy than they tell you. Some weird and some wonderful aspects. I will take this by trimester and then postpartum.

As soon as you let people know you are expecting a baby the unwanted advice floods in. Everyone and their uncle wants to share their experiences or give you tips. And yet people forget to tell you many things. So here is some info from a new mom..

The movies have got it right about how it starts. Nausea! Morning sickness, as it is often called. Don't let the name fool you though. It can happen at any time of the day. Trust me, I had to puke in the middle of a job interview. No wonder I didn't get the job :P .

 Certain body parts get big. I already knew this thanks to reruns of How I met your mother. What I didn't know was that they hurt like hell. Since you are making a little human inside you, everything is moving aside and making way for the little one. So, everything hurts.

You have to give up not just alcohol and tobacco,but coffee, colas, some kinds of fish and cheese. If you end up having Gestational diabetes like me, you have to give up sugars and carbohydrates too. Yeah! That was fun. More on that in the third trimester.

You get TIRED! The word is capitalized for a reason. I was so tired, I thought there was something wrong with me. There is a possibility that the men in your life and the women who haven't been pregnant would think you are faking it. They know squat. Ignore them , go ahead and rest. Just because it's the first trimester does not mean your body isn't working hard.

This might come as a shock to my Indian friends who are absolutely pampered, but you are allowed to exercise. Prenatal yoga and aerobics make you feel great. My midwife said I could even lift weights. I didn't think I had it in me so I never tried. However always check with your doctor before starting any exercise regimen.

Contrary to popular belief, you will not want to eat. Yeah cravings happen, but they come into the picture much later. For the first trimester all the nausea might make you swear off food. In fact, you might even lose weight. Nothing to worry about. It won't affect your baby.

Your nose works double shift. You can smell anything from anywhere. And you develop an aversion towards certain smells. Also your nose starts to swell. Wonderful! They say it goes away once the baby is born. I'm still waiting five weeks postpartum.

Another thing that the movies have got right is dizziness. This is rare but might happen due to exhaustion or low hemoglobin levels. So don't exert yourself when alone.

My favorite part, emotions. The pregnancy hormones make you unbelievably emotional. So if you feel like crying, get it out. You can laugh about the reasons that made you cry later. I remember crying because we ran out of potatoes when I really wanted to cook. I sobbed my heart out for a few minutes  then walked out to tell  the husband and we shared a good laugh.

Your bodily functions get messed up big time. The internet is full of symptoms if you look. So I won't waste space on that.

I also have to stress that not everyone has all the symptoms. Some people are lucky to have no symptoms at all while some have all of them. Also don't let people share their birth experiences with you already. You don't need that pressure this early. Learn to take things one at a time

The Crush

It was three in the afternoon. Karthik was was standing by his bedroom window, from where he could get the best view of the main road. Every few seconds he would look at his watch. Suddenly his face lit up. He closed the window and ran downstairs to the living room. He plopped on the sofa and turned on the T.V.After about five minutes, there was a knock on the door. 'Karthik' called his mom from the kitchen 'Open the door, son. That must be Chitra.' Karthik smiled to himself and walked to the door. He waited a couple of minutes and then opened the door.

"What took you so long?" demanded the pretty girl who walked in "It's really hot outside".

"Some of us have things to do you know" replied karthik "It's not like we sit by the door waiting for madam to walk in"

"Why do I even waste my time talking to you? Where's Krithika?"

"In her room. They've already started studying, I guess. How come you are so late today?" he asked trying to sound as non challant as possible.

"As if I'd tell you" replied Chitra as she shoved him aside "Now out of my way. I need to catch up with them"As she did this, her bag slipped from her hands and fell, scattering it's contents everywhere. Chitra hurriedly started picking up everything and dropping it her bag. Karthik noticed a binculars among her posessions."What do you need binoculars for?"

"Don't you have THINGS to do?" , Chitra retorted as she walked up the stairs to Krithika's room. Krithika walked out of the room when she heard Chitra."There you are.Did you get the ..." her voice trailed off when she saw her brother "Come in Chitra, we've got a lot of studying to do." she added. She shut the door as soon as Chitra entered.
Karthik could sense something was wrong. He knew these girls were up to some mischief and wanted to find out what it was.
He walked outside and looked at krithika's window from below. Nothing! The window was open but the girls were nowhere near it. He knew he couldn't listen by her door as his mom would be around. But he badly wanted to know what they were up to.
The next day at three Karthik was at his usual perch waiting for Chitra. Chitra and Preethi were walking along the road together. Instead of going downstairs like every day, karthik stood there and watched them. They seemed deeply engrossed in their conversation. As they reached the gate they both turned around, looked at something and started giggling.They straightened their faces while entering the house, and shut the door behind them as soon as they entered Krithika's room.
Karthik could not help but feel suspicious. He wanted to get to the bottom of this. He followed their gazes and looked across the road. He could not see anything except for a block of houses. What was in there?
Karthik decided to stay home the next day and poke his nose around the house. He stood in the balcony and tried to find out what the girls were spying on. He waited for hours in vain, but could not spot anything unusual. At around one P.M his mother called him downstairs. "Could you put these clothes in Krithika's room?" she asked, as Karthik slid down the stairs. "Sure thing mom!" He said, and ran upstairs with the clothes,after giving her a mock salute.
This was the chance he was looking for. He went into the room and looked out of the window. The scope had narrowed but he still could not focus on what they were looking at. He put the clothes on her bed and looked around for the binoculars. Krithika's room was very neat and organised, completely in contrast with his room, where it was impossible to find anything. The binoculars was on a table facing the window. He picked it up , walked to the window and looked out, but again he was faced with the same dillemma. There were many flats and a lot more people out there. Who or what were they looking at? He watched for a few minutes, but he knew he couldn't risk staying there long. His mother might come upstairs or worse, Krithika might come home. He put the binoculars back where they were and was about to leave when he accidentally knocked a couple of pens off the table. As he bent down to pick up the pens his eyes were level with the binoculars and suddenly he knew what they had been looking at.
A young boy was standing on the balcony of one of the flats across the road. He seemed to be in his late teens, almost the same age as Karthik. Karthik felt a strong surge of jealousy as he looked at the guy. He was unusually good looking. He had floppy hair and a very cute smile, which he knew young girls would die for. He also seemed very muscular and strong, probably an athlete. As he was looking at the guy, he heard Krithika downstairs. In his hurry to leave, Karthik did not notice the other person who walked out on to the balcony.
That night, Karthik could not sleep. He kept picturing the guy he saw in the afternoon. He hoped and prayed that it should be Preethi who was interested in the guy. If it were Krithika, he would kill her and if it were Chitra, he would die. He had a crush on Chitra for more than six years now, since they were little kids. He would tease her, irritate her just to make her talk to him. And in all these years, he could not gather the guts to tell her how he felt about her.
He was a reasonably good looking guy, a bit of a nerd, but Karthik knew girls found him attractive. However, he also knew he was no match for this guy. The only thing he could think of doing was telling Chitra how he felt about her.
The next afternoon, he waited down the road for Chitra. Unfortunately for him, she was accompanied by Krithika. He walked down to them and said "Chitra I need to speak to you, alone. Kriti, go home". Krithika started to walk away, but when Chitra turned her back on her, she shook her head as if to say it wouldn't work.

"Chitra" Karthik stammered, "I've wanted to say this to you since many years"
"Please don't say anything" Chitra interrupted "I have known for a while now, that you like me. But I don't feel the same way for you. There is someone I really like... "
"I know, I've seen him out on the balcony. I know what you were doing with the binoculars" he smiled wryly,"I must say, he is very good looking"
"You dog!" Laughed Chitra and slapped him playfully on the back. "I know he is older, but I can't help it. I am so attracted to him, I feel helpless at times"
"He did not seem a lot older, he was probably my age"
"No, he must be in late twenties or maybe even early thirties." said Chitra " You are talking about the guy from flat 21-b, right?"
Karthik thought for a while and replied, "Yeah, but I felt he was younger"
"I do hope he is younger" relied Chitra, " And even if he were older, I don't care. Oh! Karthik, I know this is too much to ask, but could you find a way to introduce me to him?"
There was a conflict in Karthik's mind. He felt selfish and angry and did not want to help her. At the same time, he knew this would mean a lot to her. After a little coaxing, he relented.

Two days later, Karthik and Chitra met at the park down the lane.

"Ok! Here's the plan" said Karthik, "Krithika told me the first time you saw him was when you went to that building to collect funds for flood relief. So we can do something of that sort again"

"Don't you think it would be too selfish to wish for floods again?"

"Chi, I'm just glad you are pretty. With a brain like that.... " muttered Karthik " We don't need floods to collect funds. Ganesh chaturthi is around the corner. We could collect funds for the pandal"

The next day, Karthik and Chitra took a leaflet of old reciepts and went to the building opposite to their house. In order not to look fishy, they first went to a couple of houses before knocking on the door in question. A very good looking man, probably in his late twenties opened the door. He looked inquiringly at the pair of them. Chitra, who was talking non-stop until then, stood there with a dreamy look in her eyes. Karthik quickly got into action and explained that they were part of this youth association and were collecting funds for ganesh chaturthi, and were also on a drive for new members

" Would you like to join our assocation"? Chitra chipped in.

The man looked at Chitra for a few seconds and then started laughing. " I'm not all that young little girl." He said.

There was a flicker of disappointment on Chitra's face.

"Just a second" The man said as he turned around "Rishabh! Come out for a second will you?" Karthik looked at Chitra expecting a happy face, but she still had the dazed, dreamy look. The young boy whom Karthik had seen earlier walked to the door.

"This is my son, Rishabh" The man said with a smile "He would be fit to join your association I guess"

Karthik was taken aback "Oh! I thought he was your younger brother" He blurted out.

The man laughed again and said that he heard that often. He welcomed them inside and then Rishabh and Karthik got talking. Chitra however, was unusually quiet. After a short conversation and Rishabh agreeing on joining the non existant youth association, they started to leave.

"Excuse me" Chitra said to Rishabh's dad " Can I know your name?"

"Kumar" he replied.

Chitra and Karthik bade goodbye to Rishabh and his dad and walked outside. They took a few steps when Karthik said " Well, Now that he agreed to join the association, you can meet him whenever you want"

"I did not know Kumar was married, I thought he was younger.. and you said he might be your age"

Karthik turned so fast he almost had a whiplash. "What?"

Soon, all of them became good friends with Rishabh,Kumar became Kumar Uncle and everybody forgot about Chitra's little crush.

Eighteen Years later, it was Chitra's daughter's fifteenth birthday. Rishabh walked in and wished the young girl and gave her a gift. And then he fished another big package and said "This one is from my dad".

" And this" He said as he took out an envelope from his pocket "is for you Chitra".

Chitra took the envelope and opened it. There was a note in it which read

Chitra,

I thought this was the right time to get her one :)

Love,

Kumar Uncle

Chitra urged her daughter to open the package she recieved from Kumar. Inside was a shiny new Binoculars...

What if I deny the truth

I have heard innumerable times that speaking the truth requires courage. But there were times when I used to wonder, how hard is it to speak the truth?

When we were kids, a few of my friends used to complain that I could once in a while, make an effort to be nice to people. I could never fathom what they meant by being nice. To me, being nice always meant, telling people what they 'needed' to hear and not what they 'wanted' to hear. As I grew older I realized , it's not very important to speak the truth always. I had to teach myself that being nice was sometimes more important than being honest and that if people wanted to hear the truth, they ask you.

It took me a few years to understand that speaking the truth is an art. Honesty, if not dealt with properly would leave you with your foot in your mouth, more often than not. That was when I adopted the policy of denying the truth. If I ever had an urge to speak the truth where it was not required, I would deny it. Not to the world outside, but to myself. So that if I believe it was true, I would speak like it was true. Sounds messed up, doesn't it? But it works like a charm, every time. I only made sure, deep down I knew what the real truth was. Too complex?? Maybe.. But it worked for me.

Very recently I came across a truth that I could not digest. I came across something, which I was consciously avoiding for many years. It took me a few weeks to wake up to the fact that, I so badly wanted it to be a lie, that I denied myself the truth. Unconsciously of course, but I was doing it. Okay, now I agree, not only does speaking the truth need guts, accepting the truth needs a lot of courage as well. Took me quite long to accept the truth.And now I have decided I will speak it out. Wish me luck peeps :D

Yes, I like spending time with myself

I am an only child and spending time with myself is quite normal to me. When I was a kid and my parents were at work I used to keep myself busy with my toys or books. When people hear that I am an only child, the one thing they usually say is 'That must be boring'. And my usual answer would be 'Not really! What makes you say that?'

Today, I live alone in a studio apartment. Yeah I have friends living around me. But I enjoy the peace and quiet living alone has got to offer. A few days ago I decided to take a trip to some place all alone. Well, just the decision made a lot of people livid. And the first question many people asked me was 'why?'

Sometimes I don't understand why people get so hyper whenever I mention that I enjoy spending time with myself. 'Me time' according to a few of my friends is a sign of depression. I, on the other hand believe being happy even when nobody is around, is one sign to show you are not depressed. It shows that you have confidence in doing whatever it is that you do, that you have confidence in you.

Four years ago, when I was in Hyderabad, there were days when I used to work late and would go down to the cafeteria to grab a bite at around 7-8 PM. The few people who were around at that time, would look at me like I was off my rocker. Seriously, what do you expect me to do? Call a friend/colleague who had already gone home to accompany me?

Being alone has it's advantages too. I have made a lot of friends in the office cafeteria or travelling alone in the office shuttle. Even today, I do end up talking to a lot of people when I travel alone. And ladies, here's a tip. I've noticed, it's easier for a guy to ask you out if you are not surrounded by an army of friends all the time. Now that's something to think about isn't it?

Try spending some time with yourself sometime. and do let me know, Am I really being weird?? ;)

A pinch of salt??

I have a friend who is quite well known for asking questions in a rather strange manner. We used to say that he 'explains' his questions. Whenever he asked something it was usually so long drawn that we would mostly occupy ourselves with something else until he finishes asking. I was thinking about him the other day and realized, well at least his questions had answers.

I have come across questions, which do have answers, but are asked in such a way, more often than not, you don't know what to say.

One of my friends recently asked me ' Why don't you laugh at my jokes??' . A straightforward answer to that would have been ' I don't find your jokes funny. And if you ever catch me laughing at your jokes, you can safely assume I'm laughing at you.' But, how can you say that to someone??? I got out of it by making myself look stupid. I said ' Your jokes are so high funda, I don't get them most of the time'. Damaging to my ego, satisfying to his. Definitely not the way to go :D

Another friend of mine once asked me while I was eating ' How come you are so fat when you eat so less??' Fortunately, I choked on my food at the same time and did not have to answer that.

The most common question I used to get was ' which school/college are you in??' One kid took it a bit too far, he asked my cousin ' aunty ee akka 7th class a??' (is she in the 7th standard?) , I stood there gaping at the kid. He looked at me a little longer and said ' 8th class a??' . I was 21 and never visited my cousin again :)

And of course there is the regular tirade of questions most of us have to put up with ' when will you get married?' , ' party kab hai (for any and every occasion)' , 'What are you doing here? (at a shopping mall / movie theater)', ' Are you busy (like I would tell you if I were not)' I get through

all this with a pinch of salt. Being sarcastic helps too, as long as you are dealing with someone who understands it.

I leave you with a quote from sheldon cooper ' Bazzinga!!'

My stranger

Sitting by the lake , enjoying the cool breeze,

I watch the sailing boats and the lovely birds,

but why do I get a feeling,

That I am being watched?

I turn around and I see no one

Though I still feel an eye on me,

From the corner of my eye,

I see a man, A stranger,

Tall, dark and handsome.

His deep voice is like music

as he walks by and says hello.

He sits by my side and talks to me,

no track of time, unaware of people around,

I am lost , as if in a trance,

He reminds me of a centaur,

wild and untamed one moment,

suave and charming the other.

Even in a crowd , he smiles at me,

Lost in the crowd, he worries me

He comes close to me and whispers in my ear

'close your eyes, and let the magic unfold'

One little blink is all it took

there was no lake, no birds, no boats,

no stranger smiling down at me.

I lay alone on my bed,

shaking my head for being a fool.

days have passed but I still wonder,

was it just a dream,

coz I still feel watched, I still see his shadow,

I still smile in a sly way, when someone questions my rosy glow.. :)

It's Time

It's been a long while since I updated my blog. Of late I've been reading about the happenings back home and it pains me to see how messed up things are...

From far away I watch you,

I grumble when you take a wrong step.

I Complain when someone wrongs you,

Coz I believe they wrong me.

I hate it when you lose a game

I am jubiliant when you win,

I cheer for you when you fight a war,

I mourn your every loss

I love the way you entertain the world

how you sing and dance and make merry

How I wish you'd draw the line there

and not regale them with how you make money

Yes, they looted you,

I know you were plundered

but that is still no excuse

to cover up every blunder

when people questioned my loyalty to you,

some even called me a deserter

I reasoned, the heart is where loyalty should be

I see no reason to wear it on my sleeve

So many times you faltered,

and I stood by watching calmly,

Hoping that things would get right

that eventually, all would be well

Now I know, it's not up to you,

but to me , to come to you,

to force you, to steer you,

to make you right all wrongs

It's time to show the world

you're not all about elephants,

rope tricks, snake charmers and liars

Or maye customer care and software

It's time to bring back that land,

where truth prevailed,

where people were valued more,

where love conquered all

The bright red star

Written on request by MNK again :)

Pearls! They dazzle when you smile at me
A smile as sweet as ever could be
They knew when you were born, that's true
That smiling star, Is that you?


Stars! They shine so bright when you look at me
Eyes, as kind as there ever could be
You came down to earth and that's when they knew,
That shining star, Is that you?


Music! That's all I hear when you speak to me,
Words, as Naive as ever could be
They named you after a star, Well it's true
That Glowing star, That's you!